Looking for an easy way to express your Bosship™? Turn down the water pressure on all the water fountains so that the water barely arches out of the fountain. This may initially sound childish but let's look at the important ramifications of such a simple move. First of all the company will save on water and electricity costs since after some point employees will give up trying to get a drink of water and you can eventually have the fountains removed. You'll become an 'innovative cost cutter!' Secondly, you'll cut down on skylarking around the water fountain which saves on company cost via wasted work time. Thirdly, there is the secondary gain from not having employees wasting time on restroom breaks. That's a '2fer' for the water fountain! Finally, you turn fulfilling a basic bodily need into a humiliating and degrading act as the employee must try to wedge their head down and work their tongue like a dog after the smallest morsel of liquid satisfaction.

The same theory can be applied to other sources of water. If you have water bottles delivered just cut back on the number of times the bottle is replaced. This leaves employees slowly learning either to conserve water or getting into squabbles over someone else's use. If employees start bringing in their own water then make it company policy not to allow individual water containers. After all who's to say what is in a water container? You can pose this as a security precaution or as a way to protect 'important electronic equipment.' I personally prefer the latter because it lets the employee know that inanimate objects rank higher than his most basic biological need. Having a 'water policy' also provides you with another item to tick off on an employee's rap sheet, so you have yet another excuse to dismiss them at a moments notice. 'Joe, I'm going to have to let you go. Among other things you've broken the company's policy about personal water bottles and jeopardized the security of valuable equipment…oh and other employees.'

This is a great exercise for you in Bosship™ by learning that even the smallest things can be used to diminish emplyoee self esteem. It reminds the employee that something as basic as water is under your control and its availability is a luxury. Other Bosship™ proponents visiting your office will quickly recognize that you are savvy in the ways of Bosship™.