Directions:
Answer each question quickly.

1. You fake a handicap permit to park closer to work.
Yes/No

2. Would you be willing to cut back on employee healthcare so the company could finance a company car for you?
Yes/No

3. You think "small talk" is a conversation about your employees.
Yes/No

4. If you are asked what the strategic direction of the company should be you answer:
a.) cutting corners
b.) cutting costs
c.) cutting employees
d.) cutting someone else's department budget
e.) all of the above

5. You own the vending machines used by employees.
Yes/No

6. If you are asked, "What do you think?" your response is:
a.) Is this a trick question?
b.) Do I have to answer now?
c.) I'm sure there's a file on that somewhere.
d.) all of the above.

7. You see a report labeled "Tomorrow's Global Economy" and:
a.) Assume it's conclusions won't be valid in 48 hours.
b.) Think it's inside information.
c.) Say you don't believe in psychics.
d.) all the above

8. You stuff the employee comment box.
Yes/No

9. You've described an employee who is going to be used as a scapegoat as a "corporate handiwipe."
Yes/No

10. You meet someone who lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and your first response is:
a.) "Is there anything I can do to help out?"
b.) "Here's the number for the Salvation Army."
c.) "So other than that…how did you like New Orleans?"

11. You describe yourself as "empathy impaired."
Yes/No

12. If there is a dirty job to do you:
a.) Take it on yourself.
b.) Take it on yourself but let everyone know what a martyr you are.
c.) Lecture employees about "empowerment," pushing decisions down to the lowest level, and refer to the job as a "career builder."

13. If employees make bad decisions you:
a.) Point out that failure is part of learning.
b.) Yell at them for screwing up.
c.) Lecture them about how "empowerment" just means bad decisions made at a faster rate, and talk about how their screw up is a real "career ender."

14. You have a framed wood engraving of Barr's Iron Law of Mediocrity on your wall.
Yes/No

15. You have a bumper sticker that reads, "Your job is paying for my car."
Yes/No

16. You think that "supplemental insurance" is buying each employee a box of band aids.
Yes/No

17. You've screwed ___ number of former friends this month in order to look better or avoid blame.

a.) 1-2
b.) 3-4
c.) Lost count

18. When an employee starts to tell you about his new baby you butt in with:
a.) "Wow that's really exciting! Tell me more! What's their name? How much do they weigh?"
b.) "How do you know it's yours?"
c.) "You know my neighbor's cats had three kittens."

19. You cut notches on the corner of your desk for every person you used to get where you are now.
Yes/No

20. Your secretary calls and says that the hospital has your mother and that she's ill and your response is:
a.) Oh my god! I'm sorry but this meeting is over. I've got to get to the hospital.
b.) Yeah, old people do that…Tell her I'll send a cab when she's ready to go home.
c.) Wait…ask her if I can have the food in her freezer.

21. You think road rage is a form of aerobic activity.
Yes/No

22. You think Xanax and vodka make a great smoothie.
Yes/No

23. You've gone to WebMD to see if you conscience can be removed.
Yes/No

24. You've been in a fight with a guy in the restroom because he was trying to take your job, only to find it was your reflection.
Yes/No

25. You are able to walk out in your department on any given day and say, "Whose the new guy?" and always get a different answer.
Yes/No

26. You have an inspirational poster on your wall that reads: "The best thing about being me is that I'm not you."
Yes/No

27. You see a happy employee and your response is:
a.) "Share the happiness!"
b.) Ignore him.
c.) "What's YOUR malfunction!"

28. When cuts in pay are made your response is:
a.) I'm sorry to have to do this. We're setting up an emergency fund.
b.) At least you still have a job.
c.) If God wanted you to be happy he wouldn't have made you an employee.

29. You believe if you think too much, you'll get a tumor.
Yes/No

30. You've admonished employees with, "You know if you'd do your job around here I could afford a nicer house!"
Yes/No

31. You believe that a 360 degree review has to happen in a round room.
Yes/No

32. "Motivation" is the sense of urgency you get before a bowel movement.
Yes/No

33. You recommended issuing tasers to managers to cut down on employee rest room use.
Yes/No

34. You're the boss who drafted the new "taser policy".
Yes/No

35. The Business Roundtable is sold at Ethan Allen stores.
Yes/No

36. You just laid an employee off whose wife is in the hospital and he starts crying. You:
a.) Give them a paper hanky and a few words of encouragement.
b.) Tell them you understand but he needs to pull themselves together.
c.) Sit back in your chair, lock your fingers behind your head and wait 5 seconds then say,

" Would you leave, the rest of use have work to do. I've got other deadbeats to get rid of….NEXT!"

37. A young fireball comes to you with what he thinks is a brilliant idea and you….
a.) Congratulate him on his creativity and initiative.
b.) Begrudingly grunt that the idea might have merit.
c.) Say," Look kid, if it was such a good idea don't you think I would have come up with it by now?"

38. Darth Vadr
a.) Was an evil and cruel character in Star Wars.
b.) Was one hell of an actor.
c.) Wears a T-shirt with your face on it.

39. The reason the company has meetings is:
a.) To coordinate work and make it more effective and efficient.
b.) To catch some zzz's before going to lunch.
c.) To allow you to blame others for your problems.

40. The book, "Getting To Yes" is a sex manual.
Yes/No


Answers:
1.Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. E
5. Yes
6. D
7. D
8. Yes
9. Yes
10. C
11. Yes
12. C
13. C
14. Yes
15. Yes
16. Yes
17. C
18. C
19. Yes
20. C
21. Yes
22. Yes
23. Yes
24. Yes
25. Yes
26. Yes
27. C
28. C
29. Yes
30. Yes
31. Yes
32. Yes
33. Yes
34. Yes
35. Yes
36. C
37. C
38. C
39. C
40. Yes
If you looked at the answers first, give yourself 5 pts extra. Otherwise grade yourself accordingly:
40-35- You are bosship material.
34-29—Possibly bosship material but you still have to outgrow your conscience.
28-23—You might make a good lackey or lickspittle for a real boss.
23 or less—Forget it wage slave. Your best chance at survival is to work on your whining and victim skills. Watch for the upcoming Loser's Guide.