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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Bosship Tutorial #4: Reengineering Reality Part 2

In exploring techniques of prevarication, I'll use Touchstone's "7 lies" from Shakespeare's, As You Like It as an outline.
1.) Retort courteous – Tell someone they are wrong, when you know they aren't, but do it in a courteous way so they doubt themselves. This will buy you time to build a consistent reality (alibi) and makes you appear correct by your air of assertiveness and lack of concern. Psychologically we tend to believe an assertion rather than an explanation. Your nonchalant response makes you look restrained and cool while the other person looks confused as he rechecks his facts. "Maybe you'd like more time to collect your facts." If the person really has you nailed and insists on his point then make him out the bad guy for daring to bring up such "distasteful subjects at an obviously inappropriate time."
2.) Reply churlish – This allows you to devalue someone's opinion and downplay allegations by dismissing the other person's "dubious information." Seize the moral high ground and attack the "underhanded" way your opponent got his information. Convince any listeners that the information had to come via despicable means no matter how damning the evidence. In this way you get the listeners to forget the message by concentrating on that "blackguard" and the devious ways he got his information. "I won't dignify such a base and tawdry allegation nor insult my colleagues with a response." (Memorize this one!)
3.) The quip modest but devastating – This is the always handy non sequitor bit of sarcasm to distract people from the utter truth of an accusation. "I really never minded the little things…but isn't that what your wife said about you at the Christmas party?" A straight of entertainment at the expense of someone else always trumps a full house of truth. "Yes there is nothing worse than a half truth…unless it comes from a half wit."
4.) Reproof valiant – This is stonewalling. No matter how compelling the proof you deny the accusation and anything associated with the proof. This keeps the bothersome facts away from you and the burden of proof on the other person. It's essential that you keep the momentum by not letting them have time to pick at your evidence.
5.) Reproof Freudian – No matter what they say its further evidence of how bad they are, and how innocent you are.
You: "These photos of me having sex with Ms. Y in my office are just a further example of how low minded Joe Stevens is."
Joe: "But you're naked and obviously having sex with Ms. Y!"
You: "Yes Joe and I'm shocked…shocked to see you stooping so low as to be a perverted little peeping tom getting his voyeuristic thrills by collecting grainy little pictures of consenting adults (no pause). This is just a further example of Joe's high handedness and low morals; the ranting of a repressed and perverted man obviously in need of psychiatric counseling."
Joe: "But you're having sex with Ms. Y…she's on your desk….!"
You: "That's so typical of you Joe, to concentrate and emphasize the intimate details of such a personal act. Just a further example of the direction of someone caught up in his own sexual compulsions…"
Joe: "But it's against policy to have sex with employees!"
You: "Joe-Joe-Joe it's always sex with you isn't it? You just can't get over all those repressed feelings you've had ever since your mother dressed you up like a little girl and spanked you."
Joe: "That's not true!"
You: Come on now Joe. Your denying it just makes it all the more obvious. You know the first step toward healing is to admit you have this compulsive problem."
You can see why this is my personal favorite.
6.) Countercheck – Everything your accuser says is a lie, forcing the burden of proof back on him. "I can't believe you keep insulting everyone and me with such bold faced lies." If he comes back with more arguments continue to be appalled by the volume of his lies. "Geez Bob! Is there no end to your lies? How much longer are you going to continue to burden everyone with this crap!" It's always a good touch to bring in the other listeners so that it sounds like the accuser is after them too. This places them on your side.
7.) Circumstantial Lie also known as a "Michael Moore or the Al Gore" – Lie by omission. Leave out a vital part of the information. "It's a well known that my department has out-produced every other department." You leave out the part about your costs being 10 times the other departments, totally negating any gains. In the circumstantial lie, one simplistic example suffices to explain all interactions regardless of their complexity.
8.) Direct lies – Lie by adding information. This addition makes others look like they are hiding something; that they're the liar. "It's interesting Joe that you left out the fact that Ms. Y and I are engaged…" (Don't worry you can reengineer a relevant truth to Ms. Y later.)
9.) Interpretive lie also known as "Doing a Clinton" – Agree to all of the facts but deny their meaning by interpreting them differently. "That's certainly me and Ms. Y on the desk but I can hardly say that we are, as Joe so colorfully put, having "sex."
10.) Lie as truth also known as the "National Security Lie" -- Point out that your position is actually the truth and your accuser has only made it out to be a lie. In other words seeing the truth requires not only a sharper mind, which you audience obviously has and the accuser doesn't. You also suggest his "truth" is based on incomplete information or faulty analysis.
11.) Status lie – You condemn lying as providing false information to a person entitled to the truth. But, you have no obligations to provide truthful information to people not entitled to it, i.e., the truth is above the other person's pay grade.
12.) The "Good" Lie -- A lie told to protect a higher good that most dullards can't begin to grasp. "You can't handle the truth!"
13.) Numeric lying – Reduce the situation to a number or arrange the numbers to support your version of reality. Accountants do this all the time on annual reports and use teeny tiny footnotes to hide the fact. You can do the same. If you lose two employees one year and five employees the next year, point out that your departments poor performance is a result of a 150% increase in lost employees!

Now keep in mind these are the building blocks for constructing reality. The list is not all inclusive and you can certainly do combinations like a Countercheck with a Freudian Reproof. Your own unique experiences can be used to create all kinds of reality for the consumption of those involved. Remember, there's no since of confusing people with a levels of truth they can't handle yet.
 
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